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6 October 2017

I WORRY TOO MUCH

This few weeks haven't be a nice week for me. Well I'm currently still having my hijab on and it's completely one week now. Yey!*SWEATING*

I've been so much worry bout finance lately. I'm holding too much responsibilities in my family now and my job hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't really know how I could survive this for upcoming weeks as I still can't see any solutions right now.

So. I. Worry. Much.
Giving advise to yourself is very hard to do.

One moment I'll be like,
"Okay, I can handle this, it just a phase of life, every one been through this"

One moment I'll be like,
"Fuck this positive shit! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!"

Literally freak out.

Having this mental breakdown while you living alone by yourself is not a good idea sometimes. Overthinking is a secret weapon that can lead to self war. But when you try to be a little bit positive, being alone give a chance for you to reflect everything. Where I found it pretty good actually.

I've been worry bout the future a lot. This anxiety is because I knew I could do nothing bout my problems. I've been away from my family for this past 6 years where I'm currently in Penang right now for work.

Being away from your family and familiar environment can be so tough as I'm out from my comfort zone. But I just realize Allah always, always had my back. He will help me with the most beautiful and unexpected ways.

I've been slept in my car for two days in a row as I've been kick out from my house rent. Fyi, that orange kelisa of mine has no air conditioner in it. Can you imagine how miserable is that? I slept with gallons of sweat with all my stuffs in there and my car smells like a gym.

Disgusting.

I don't have god damn money to rent a new house. Fortunately, my man found a new house for me to rent with very cheap price and complete facilities. RM 125 for fully furnished room and house, with WIFI, complete kitchen, and with Astro's plate outside the house (okay that wifi important the most). With Allah help I be able to pay the house. Seriously, I can't remember where that money come from.

Okay, that is not an interesting story. But I could relate with it almost instantaneously. I'm so worry I would be homeless in the future where I'm actually not.

He is helping me.
He give me more than I was praying for.
(I never mention bout that wifi in my pray. hehe)

This situation actually re-affirm what I already know that,

Allah will never leave us alone to fend ourselves.
Allah will test us (21:55) and He also promise us few things.

We will never be tested beyond our capabilities (94:6)
There is ease WITH every difficulties (94:6)which ease will not come AFTER the difficulties, it will come ALONGSIDE the difficulties. Which He means we have to find the ease around us.

Don't mourn over the closed door, search for the opened door.

If you have problems with your job that you can't solve, find other job.
If you have problems with your finance, work your ass harder.
If your bf/gf left you, find the other one.

Well I know it's easier to say, but it seems leggit right?
I mean what more you can do when the door closed and you don't even have the key anymore?

And, what ever happen to us, is always for the best (2:216).

I feed my brain with these 3 thought and praise to Allah the worry start to fade little by little. I come across something at facebook while i'm watching motivation videos that quote

"Let's not carry the worries of this life because it is FOR Allah"
"Do not also carry the worries of sustenance because it is FROM Allah"
"And do not worry about the future because it is BELONGS to Allah"

So, if you feel afraid and feel so much uneasiness that cause you anxiety.

JUST LEAVE IT TO ALLAH.

Tell him in your Sujood and feel all the burden being transferred from your shoulder over to Him.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You just hand it over to All Knowing (Al-Alim), All Seeing (Al-Baseer), All Hearing (Al-Sami), All Providing (Al-Razzaq), The Utterly Just (Al-Adl), The Wise (Al-Hakim) and the Protecting, Ally and Helper (Al-Wali).

If you think you can solve everything. It is a bullshit. I've tried. It is a bullshit.

Really. You are Homo Sapien (human) for God Sake!

You can't fix anything.
But He can.

This life is a mountain that you've been carrying and all you have to do is climb.
Enjoy the scene, enjoy the beauty.
Chill.
Taken the air.
Marvel and be excited what Allah been prepared for us on top of the mountain, what he plan for us.

Surprise is always the best. I love surprises. Okay, my birthday is coming soon and I love surprises. (take note sayang!)

Okay, okay, back to the topic.

I hope we all have the strength to face our struggles. Because if only we can see the size of blessing, that is coming to us right now, then we would understand the magnitude of the battle that we are currently struggling.

I pray for your easiness and strength. A lots of DM and messages that I got from my previous post that show lots of us are struggling and I just want you to know, I always with all of you who are having battle right now. I really do love you, May Allah give us lots of His bless.

I love you girls and please be strong. Your name in my doa each day. You can always text me if you have anything more to share. I can listen to the same story again and again until your pain turn to a beautiful happiness.

To my man,
Thank you for show me that having a patience, believe and tawakkal to Allah is not a waste. You gonna be a good imam in your family soon. I do believe that. I'm so happy you gonna start your career really soon. Allah has rewards you with all his blessings.

I love you my one and only engineer.
Maybe we can go Sephora more often next month ya?
yes? no?
Just a suggestion tho.


1 comment:

  1. Salam singgah dan follow :)

    Anda dijemput join GA saya!

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    ReplyDelete

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