29 December 2017


2017 is a suck year? Well, I've been in worst year such as 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010....(and the numbers go on and on)

I literally have bad yearsss. But hey! Life will always smack a lesson book at your face and said,

"Bitch, learn this!" 

Since today is last Friday of 2017, I just wanna share with you what this year teached me the most.

"You are sinful, but yet God never punish you, He just test you."

You know, Ive been opened my Hijab for past two year and I just wore it back for about 2 months ago (even-i-actually-open-it-sometimes-now-cause-i-still-hate-wearing-it). I made a lots of mistake but this is the only thing that I've done right even it kindda need more time to adapt with it. 


I'm not trying to tell you that "hey! I still do bad stuff and God did nothing to me". No. He took away lotssssssssssss of thing from me.

The only thing that I always have in my mind when I'm under depression and wanna commit suicide is,

"Fuck me, even God hates me now, and since He hates me so much, He will continuously punish me till i die, so lets just die then"

I think most of people that wanna commit suicide could relate this.

"stress? Solat je lah, cam takde tuhan pulak, mintak kat tuhan" netizen.

"depress? Buat teruk sangat aih, sikit je pon, orang lain lagi teruk, tak ingat Tuhan lah tu" pig netizen. 

Do you guys know that most of stress and sinful people they talked to God?but unfortunately the only thing they feel are,

"Aku kotoq, dosa banyak, Tuhan tak sayang aku"

"Tuhan tak dengaq pon doa aku, aku nk buat cam na nih, dah lah duniya ni Dia punya"

"Takda harapan thing will get better, Tuhan tak sayang aku dah, Dia nk hukum aku ja sekarang"

We talked to God more than you ever know. But since we are too scared, we just lost patience and believe in God. 

Somehow, with this kind of thought, God makes me listen to a religious talk by Mufti Menk sounds,

"Did Allah test you or punish you?"

Guys, do you wanna know something beautiful? 

This question we have been asking ourself, its actually depends 100% on us! 

If you think Allah hates you, well then, He hates everybody in this world cause everyone been tested. 

Even our prophet Muhammad been tested hardly by God, and we knew how much God love Muhammad. 

He never hates us. 

We been tested for something that beyond our mind. I cant mention mine cause its too private,  so you can pick one of yours.

"Are you hurt? Come and talk to me, I will solve it for you, come close to me (by do lots of ibadah of course)" said Allah.

"Fuck my life, its ruined anyway! Life is unfair! Bloody hell! (then I start to do more worst stuffs)" cried hopeless me. 

"No! No! No! Come talk to me dont turn away, believe in me! Oh my! I'm sorry, I have to take away all your money and your job, I give you lots of debts and financial problem, so now, turn back to me! Say my name! I can help you!" Allah plead me.

"Shit, I'm broke af, why do God hate me and let me live this shitty life, what do you want from me, God?!!!! I put my sweat for my own money!!!" I said arrogantly. 

"I knew you work hard, but you dont talk to me, I'm the one who give you problem and I'm the one who can give you solution! Stop fighting back and believe in me! Crawl to me and I will walk to you, walk to me and I will run to you!" Allah said. 

"I'm tired. Please help me Allah. Please. I donno how to do this" I cried in my hundred prayers for monthsssssss. 

(sorry, for telling this in dramatic way cause I love drama sometimes, haha)

Then Allah start to make everything beautiful in my life, even I'm still not a perfect muslim. 

If test make you a better person so it just a test

If test make you worst person even more so it is a punishment.

So be a better person.

I've been stupid for boyssss. Allah makes them leave me with the most hurtful way till I feel so useless. But then Allah, replace them with a MEN that I never thought existed. He treat me so well till I forget all my pain. 

I've been through a hard time with my family. And Allah makes me love them even harder till I couldnt explain the love, every doa that I made for a guy that I love before, I changed it for my family instead. How can I be so careless in loving them before. Hmm.

I've been terminated by a company cause they are down sizing and they didnt pay my salary and compensation for a long time, too long till I have to make a lots of debts cause i dont have money at all.But, Allah replace it with a new job with better company and better salary and I never thought to be an Engineer cause I'm stupid af, but Allah really do offer me this position. 

Now you can relate?

He never hate us, He just test us for us to get closer to Him.

Lillahita'ala if He remove something or someone in your life, bare in mind that He just wanna replace it with something better. 

Believe in Him.

I have nothing to achieve on 2018 actually.

Specifically no.

Just dont ruin another year, irah. 

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